remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
