I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
