I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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