Plan B is the new Plan A
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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