I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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