what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
