Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
