When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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