dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
