he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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