Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i think im in europe. pls send help
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
