Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
