i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
