I wannas sexs uuuuu
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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