i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
