Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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