I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Found your dick twin last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
