Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
