She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
