you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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