I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
