Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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