On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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