i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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