I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
