remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
