Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
