Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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