your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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