i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
