i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
