My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
