Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
