I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I understand Curling. That high.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
