If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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