Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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