we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
