There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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