I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
