we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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