we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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