Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
