I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
