Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
