I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
