I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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