I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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