can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
