I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
