i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The Olympian is in my bed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
