Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
