Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
