This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
