She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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