the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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