my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
